Dear Baroness, I'm confused about all these dating site acronyms . . .

Dear Baroness, 

I hope you can help me. I have just entered the world of online dating (on several platforms - I’m diving in to the deep end) and there seems to be this language of letters and acronyms of which I have no idea. A few of them I can figure out, (BDSM, SM, DWM, etc. . . .) but many are completely baffling to me.

Here they are:

DDF

LDR

ONS

W/E

HWP

MBA

NSA

VGL

FS

LFG

WTR

TDH

I would really appreciate your insight. It’s a scary world, this internet dating world,  but I’m optimistic. Wish me luck.

Signed, 

SWFLFLIATWP 

(single white female looking for love in all the wrong places)

Darling SWFLFLINTWP,

I’m so glad you wrote! And ever more glad that you are getting yourself out there! Bravo and congratulations! You’ll surely meet no one by sitting home alone watching porn (though it may be cheaper . . .) so this is a brave and worthwhile first step.

As you know from my previous columns, I have only ever tried Tinder, but do know there are sites for everyone and everything out there so that makes me happy. Something for everyone, from farmers to cat lovers, bikers to singles with food allergies and finally, those who think they are better than the rest of us.

It doesn’t matter to me what site you are visiting as long as you like it and it’s a respectful and legal place to meet men. Or women. Or whatever it is you are looking for. That’s another lovely thing about technology; where once individual people had to lurk around in fetish clubs and place cryptic ads in the newspapers in order to find others like them, now, entire populations of balloon lovers, water sports enthusiasts and furries can create and participate in a safe community with just a few clicks, which is a pretty awesome use of the interwebs, if you ask me.

So. To the matter at hand. These are some fairly basic acronyms and I’m sure you will encounter more as you delve deeper into the underworld of online dating. And feel free to write back with any other questions (and certainly with any juicy, stories with lurid details).

DDF - drug / disease free

LDR - long distance relationship

ONS - one night stand

W/E - well-endowed

HWP - height weight proportional 

MBA - married but available 

NSA - no strings attached

VGL - very good looking

BHM - bald headed man

FS - financially secure

LFG - looking for group

WTR - willing to relocate

TDH - tall dark handsome

I’d say that anyone who calls themselves well-endowed, tall dark and handsome or (TGL) terribly good looking might be someone to avoid. These are what we might call narcissists and take it from me, they are not the best at relationships with real people. Mirrors, yes. People, no. Though I will say that it can be argued that if one were to write W/E, it might not be a brag, but a warning. They may think they are merely stating a fact like their height or weight. So there’s that. 

One last thing, be sure you know, or at least have thought about what it is you’re looking for on these sites. 

Are you looking for someone to hang out with?  Dinner? Cinema? Museum? Long walks along the promenade? Just sex? (Yes, readers. Newsflash. Some women want just sex too. With no strings attached. It’s not just you men. You think everything is for you. It’s not. We also like cars, beer and video games. So there.) Are you looking for a relationship?  How do you define relationship? Are you dying to get married? Have babies? How important is monogamy? These are the tip of the iceberg. Just think about it. Because there is nothing worse than meeting someone and liking them and not talking about expectations (not on the first, second or even third date, just before you get to the stage where you’re seeing each other a few times a week), and suddenly he’s in love and you just want to go away for the weekend and have crazy sex and not speak during the week. It can happen. It’s a thing. So is communication. It solves a lot of potential and actual problems. I’ve been trying it lately. It’s pretty effective. Give it a try.

I hope you find a DDF, W/E, HWP, FS, WTR, TDH person who is also single, smart and funny. And kind. That’s an underrated quality. 

Have fun, be safe and do report back.

As ever, 

xxx

The Baroness