Dear Baroness, 
I’ve really screwed up. I’ve probably just lost an amazing woman because of unfinished business with a woman who is far from amazing. I have not been able to give the amazing woman what she needs and deserves because I’ve been so distracted trying to figure out how I ever managed to fall for the other one – a completely unworthy, manipulative head case – and how to get over her. 
I was feeling needy and alone, being new in the country, and she took advantage of that and completely messed with my mind. We were only together for a very short amount of time, but she really got her hooks into me. And she says she doesn’t even want me. Never really did. I just can’t stop trying to figure her out. Why she sleeps around, why she plays head games, why she says she’s not interested in me and then pulls the string and I come running back to her. I don’t want to be with her, I want to try to make it work with this other woman, but I’m afraid I’ll loose the amazing one forever if I tell her everything I’m thinking. She knows I’m being distant and can’t fully commit but doesn’t know why. 
What should I do?
Signed, 
Fell For the Wrong One
 
Darling Fell, 
Well, you’ve really gotten yourself into a pickle here, haven’t you? On the one hand, I do believe honesty is the best policy, but it could very well be that this amazing woman will not be able understand why you would ever get yourself into this situation. Once you tell her, she won’t be able to unhear it, and there is a chance she’ll run away, either temporarily or forever. And it sounds like she already senses that something is off and has taken her leave, at least for now.
Do you want to be with this amazing woman? Ask yourself this honestly. If the answer is yes, you need to fight for her. We don’t do that enough. In this time of easy access to ‘new talent’ via Tinder and the like, we often choose the lazier path and keep moving on trying to find another ‘right’ person as opposed to staying with a worthy partner and giving it a real chance.  Tell her how you feel about her. Tell her you have unfinished business with someone but make sure she knows it’s not a giant threat and that she is the woman you want, not the head case. Then follow up the words with actions. She still may run away, but as she already knows something is up, and beginning a new relationship based on half-truths or omissions is no way to go about things, sharing how you feel is the way to go. 
But remember, you DO NOT need to tell her all the gory details. Really. She does not want to hear them. You may need to speak to someone about all this to help clear your head, but trust me, darling. Unless you want to send her packing without even looking back, I suggest you find a therapist, buy a notebook or pull up a stool at your neighborhood watering hole and pour your heart out to your bartender, but whatever you do, no matter how close you feel to her, don’t tell her all the details. She is not your best friend or confidante, she is someone you are trying to date.
So get your head out of your ass, stop obsessing and over-analyzing the situation with this other woman, and move on. It may take time. These things usually do. If you start today, you may be ready for a relationship with the right woman in mere weeks.
Be strong. Take charge of the situation. If you let this amazing woman go because you couldn’t be a grown up and do the work needed to move on, then you don’t deserve her. 
As Ever,
xx The Baroness

Have you ever fancied meeting the Baroness in the flesh? Well, on Saturday, June 4th, you have a  chance to do just that.  The Baroness will be hosting the Bawdy Storytelling evening at Photobastei in Zürich. Similar to The Moth , popular in the states, Bawdy Storytelling is an evening of true stories of sexual adventure, only instead of telling true stories of one’s grandma and her collection of ceramic cat figurines, you’ll be treated instead to racy and steamy retellings of the sexual conquests of brave and sexy people. And there is still a chance for you to get in on the action … if you have a sexy true story you’d like to get up and tell to a bunch of strangers, this is the place! You can pitch your ideas to [email protected]
You’ll also have a chance to ask The Baroness your relationship and sex questions in person! So terribly exciting!  And don't forget to send The Baroness your questions! Don't be shy . . . [email protected] And I know you'll be terribly sad to hear this news, but we'll be on holiday the next few weeks, me and my sexy man, Ron so it's a perfect time for you to think of what you'd like to ask - I know you have questions! As Ever, xx The Baroness
 
 
 
I can’t wait to meet you, my darlings!
 
As Ever, 
 
xx
The Baroness

Have you ever fancied meeting the Baroness in the flesh? Well, on Saturday, June 4th, you have a  chance to do just that.  The Baroness will be hosting the Bawdy Storytelling evening at Photobastei in Zürich. Similar to The Moth , popular in the states, Bawdy Storytelling is an evening of true stories of sexual adventure, only instead of telling true stories of one’s grandma and her collection of ceramic cat figurines, you’ll be treated instead to racy and steamy retellings of the sexual conquests of brave and sexy people. And there is still a chance for you to get in on the action … if you have a sexy true story you’d like to get up and tell to a bunch of strangers, this is the place! You can pitch your ideas to [email protected]
You’ll also have a chance to ask The Baroness your relationship and sex questions in person! So terribly exciting!  And don't forget to send The Baroness your questions! Don't be shy . . . [email protected] And I know you'll be terribly sad to hear this news, but we'll be on holiday the next few weeks, me and my sexy man, Ron so it's a perfect time for you to think of what you'd like to ask - I know you have questions! As Ever, xx The Baroness
 
 
 
I can’t wait to meet you, my darlings!
 
As Ever, 
 
xx
The Baroness

Dear Baroness,
Can you please explain to me the reason men find it necessary to send dick pix? I’m not sure why, (maybe because it’s spring?) but suddenly, I’m being inundated by them and I’m not happy about it.  Most of the time, I just block any dude who sends unsolicited pix, but I really liked this one guy and he just sent one too and I’m not sure how to handle it. Any insight you can provide would be much appreciated! 
Signed, 
Sick of Seeing Dicks
 
Darling SoSD,
There are many reasons men send dick pix. Here are just a few I’ve heard:
“If I send her a pic of my junk, maybe she’ll send me a naked one back.” “I wanted her to know she gave me that erection. I thought she’d be kind of proud of it.”  “I was wasted.” “Sometimes you just need a compliment, you know?”
Wow. Yes. These are actual quotes from men I spoke to on the subject. Personally, I think there are other issues at play, many of them stemming from insecurity. If a man sends you a photo of his penis and you reject him, this is a far better scenario then an in-person rejection. Of course, the chances of a woman rejecting a man based on his penis in person are actually very small. 
By the time you get naked with someone you most likely have a level of physical attraction – at the very least - and hopefully more than that. There are so many more elements at play than merely the size of a man’s cock. It’s true.  I can tell you that I do not know of a single woman (Well, that’s an exaggeration . . .I do know one woman who has rejected men based on the size of their members, but that’s only one! And she’s a jerk. So let’s not worry about her.) So 99% of women will not make fun of your cock. At least not to your face. They are smart enough to know that some of the best sex had involves less than porn cock cocks. And that an aesthetically pleasing cock does not necessarily a good sexy-time session make. As I’ve mentioned before, sometimes huge is too huge. And with everything, some things and some people just fit better together than others. So please, I implore you -  stop obsessing about your cock!
I must admit I did receive a dick pic once that I still keep. It’s the best one ever. Not just because it’s a pretty cock or a huge one (it does happen to be quite impressive) but it’s the angle, the light the … well it’s almost artistic. And it’s sexy. All my friends have seen it and love it too. He doesn’t mind that I’ve shown it around. Duh. He’s proud, of course. He actually wrote a while ago asking that I send it to him so he could show his new girlfriend. I refused. Perhaps I’m selfish. It was taken for me, wasn’t it? 
I mean, do you send the same sexy pics to many different people? (I know you do. We all have. It’s an issue of practicality, after all.) But it’s not really right, right? It’s embarrassing when someone writes back after you’ve sent a photo, “You already sent me that one . . .” Oops. Silly me. But some of them are just so good, you want to keep sharing the love, right? I’ve busted many a man on this. 
I get that we all have photos we like of ourselves, but if you’re going to send the same pix to all interested (and not interested) parties, that just seems a little … well, I don’t know. Lazy? Maybe it’s not and maybe I’m just being too idealistic and romantic … please weigh in on the subject, darlings.
Gentlemen, this is the most important thing to remember … SENDING UNSOLICITED PIX OF YOUR JUNK - especially to a woman (or a man) you do not know, IS HARASSMENT. Straight up sexual harassment. Think about it. (And I welcome your lame-ass arguments to the contrary.) So stop doing it. 
As far as this man you like(d) who sent the dick pic . . . that’s your call. There’s always talking about it. I find this to be a good place to start. Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water if you really like him, but do get an answer before things go too far. I mean. This can signal a much bigger problem (insecurity). 
So what have we learned today? Don’t send unsolicited dick pix! Yes! Well done! Class dismissed. (And if you still need help, here’s a handy guide ).
As Ever,
xx The Baroness

Dear Baroness,  I’m worried about my new girlfriend. I think she masturbates too much. I know that sounds a little controlling and maybe none of my business, but I worry that if she keeps doing it so much, especially with a vibrator, she’ll be less interested in me. Is that crazy? I’ve heard that using a vibrator can dull a woman’s sensations. Is it true?
Signed, 
Not Buzz Lightyear
 
Darling Buzz,
Well, where do I begin . . . ? First of all, can there really be a such a thing as masturbating too much? I think not. Not masturbating enough, now that’s a problem. And not masturbating at all … well, that’s something perhaps we’ll discuss another day.
There are theories about Dead Vagina Syndrome , but honestly, in my experience, it’s not really a thing. And for those women who say they have experienced it, it seems to be temporary and reversible and perhaps they need to downsize and stop using power tools for the job. Our love button is a delicate creature and though she can withstand a lot of ‘abuse’, surely she is not made to withstand the force from a pneumatic jackhammer. Ouch.
Many men seem to be threatened by vibrators because they worry they will be replaced by the power, precision and efficiency they can provide. When a girl only has five minutes to spare for a little fun, few things can compare to the quickie a little (or not so little) battery operated (or charged) friend can provide. BUT . . . and pay attention here . . .. THEY DO NOT REPLACE THE REAL THING. Please do not worry. While sometimes we prefer to just get off solo, we are human and we do crave affection and connection and intimacy (in theory), and so luckily we have you for that!  Here’s another thing. There are things you can do that a vibrator cannot. I could go into details here but I think you likely get it. Your fingers, hands, tongue and other obvious and not so obvious parts do a far better and nuanced job at getting the job done. Trust me. 
If I found myself horny on a random Thursday afternoon (which happens) and could choose between calling you, getting up and showered and all that goes with that, putting on a little special something and then waiting patiently for you to arrive, or staying in bed, un-showered, rolling over, opening the nightstand drawer and pulling out out my Lelo Smart Wand and getting the job done in 5 minutes (more like 2), well then, I’d choose the later. A girl wants what she wants when she wants it and though the anticipation of waiting for you to arrive is sweet and can make for a delightful afternoon, sometimes you gotta just get stuff done.  So when we need to just get off, we are eternally grateful to Dr. Granville , who invented the vibrator. We can have some fun, say goodbye and job well done. No small small talk, no cuddling, no managing emotions or feelings and we’re on our way. Got it? Good.
You should ask her to bring her favorite toy into bed with you next time … could be fun. Will be fun. Unless you are uptight and scared. Then, chances are it will be awful. Take a deep breath, shed your inhibitions and ask her to show you how it works. If you’re lucky, maybe she’ll even try it out on you. I’ve known more than a few men who appreciate a little vibration under the chassis. Perhaps you’d both enjoy a vibrating cock ring - some men find that less intimidating.
And that can be just the beginning. Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it, darling. And you really should try it.
A woman who knows her own body is a good thing. And a woman who knows how to make herself come is a pretty great thing too. Would you really complain if, the next time she’s feeling sexy, she pulls out her friend who lives in the nightstand and leaves you a message while using it? I didn’t think so. 
And remember, confidence is the sexiest thing going. If she senses that you’re insecure and threatened, she may run in the other direction or run straight to the sex shop to reinforce her army of inanimate troops. And that doesn’t seem like what you want. 
If you’re calling her your girlfriend, chances are, she likes you. So start with that. Insecurity has killed more relationships than sex toys, I can assure you.
My advice is to show up with flowers, a pack batteries and a smile. I can’t think of any vibrator-loving woman who would not find that irresistible.
Best of luck, Buzz. 
As Ever,
xx The Baroness

Dear Baroness, 
I have a habit of dating unavailable men. Married men, mostly. It just happens. But I want it to stop. I realize how unhealthy it is for me and that I really want more. Which is all fine, but now I have a problem. This one married guy I was seeing just stopped talking to me after 6 months of seeing each other. Out of the blue. And I’m devastated. I don’t love him, and I don’t want to be with him, but I am angry. How could he do this to me? I’m having these revenge fantasies – I mean, I know his name, where he works, where he lives, where his kids go to school. I could ruin his life. Doesn’t he realize that? How can he be so stupid? I need you to talk me down. I’m afraid I’ll do something I’ll regret . . .
Signed, 
Non-fatal Attraction
Darling Non-Fatal,
Oh, what is it about married men? We’ve all been there, Cherie. Perhaps not all of us. Many. Some. A few, at least. Well, I certainly have. I can’t tell you exactly what it is, but it does have something to do with the danger and forbiddenness of it. I think perhaps there is also something enticing about being with someone who is not completely available. Someone with whom you can avoid reality. No household bills, no talk of who is taking the trash out or why you never fold his t-shirts the right way. There’s also the understanding that you will not be spending holidays together, which for some is a very depressing side of dating a married man and for others, quite liberating. Who wants to deal with in-laws, for the love of Pete? It’s certainly understandable why married men are appealing. But married or not, everyone has the right to end a relationship and your married man is no different. How he did it, of course, is completely lousy. There is no excuse for this kind of behavior. BUT, just because he’s a louse does not mean you get to ruin his life. This is simply not something we do, darlings.
I understand you want closure. And likely some answers. You also seem to want a reaction. When we’re hurt, we want to lash out and hurt others. It’s a very human reaction. But as some very wise person said, two wrongs don’t make a right and you’ll only feel worse (and most likely some shame and guilt thrown in for good measure) if you try to feel better by exposing him. Give it a few days before you do anything rash. I implore you. 
Let’s play out the scenario: You show up at his house. His wife comes to the door. You tell her what he’s been up to. Either she believes you or she doesn’t. Chances are she doesn’t invite you in for a cup of tea. If she tells him you stopped by, he will likely deny the affair and then may or may not come to confront and threaten you. In no scenario does he show up to your place, hat in hand, bearing daisies and apologize and rekindle things. There is no upside to this scenario. You may succeed in ruining his life, but his innocent wife and children would be collateral damage in your selfish war. And this is not acceptable.
It’s amazing, isn’t it, that when a scorned woman goes to get closure or simply wants answers when the married man who has suddenly deemed her unnecessary dumps her, she is seen as the psycho, the desperate, needy one. The one boiling the rabbit .
When a man is rebuffed or dismissed and needs closure and answers and he goes to the woman to get them, he is seen as being passionate, romantic, determined. He is Cary Grant, or Hugh Grant. The woman is always happy to see him and wants him back. He knows best, after all. She agrees she made a huge mistake as he takes her into his arms, and they live happily ever after. No one accuses a man of being psycho or hysterical. These are the realms of needy women. 
I’d really like us to think about that and work on changing it. What about a world where two people have a relationship and when one decides they want out, they talk about it together, like grown-ups? Like people who care for one another. Who respect each other and realize the pain they may be causing. Oh, wait. This sounds ridiculous and boring. Where’s the drama?! Where’s the scene where the woman consoles herself with a loaded pizza, a bottle of wine and/or anonymous, drunken sex with strangers? Where are the girlfriends all around telling her what a loser the guy is while they all get mani/pedis at the mall? Ugh. We are doomed. Really. 
So no, I don’t think you should show up or text his wife or whatever impulsive plans you may have concocted in your rage stupor. It may be fun to think about – and believe me, darling, we all have - but it’s not ever a good idea. This guy will get what’s coming to him. Promise. (There are services for these kinds of things if karma is taking too long . . .)
In the mean time, your plan of not dating married or unavailable men is a good start.  Baby steps. 
As Ever,
xx The Baroness